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If Kate Middleton had a baby…

There is one privilege every newly engaged bride enjoys:  never having to awkwardly answer this question again, “When is he going to propose?”  Before my hubby proposed, I avoided that question like the plague!  And if you dated as long as we did (6+ years), you know you’ve gotten your nauseating share of it.

However it wasn’t long after our engagement that I realized that not only did people stop asking that question, it morphed into an even worse one… “When are you going to have a baby?”.  Whoa, whoa, whoa!  I just got engaged like two seconds ago!  I still have a year of wedding planning to do!  I can’t even afford nice wedding shoes let alone a baby!  I still have newlywed life to enjoy!  And that’s just the question… did I mention the gifts?  Dramatic music please.  I received a maternity dress from an in-law upon news of our engagement!  YES!  I know!  Right?!  I’m not the superstitious type, but let’s just say that I handled that gift box like a member of a bomb squad… secure, isolate, destroy!  From baby prams to onesies, I’ve heard horror stories of many-a-friend’s bridal shower gifts.  To which I would like to send a message out to all mothers, sisters, and aunts that might be reading this… stop it!  No one likes being guilt-tripped into procreating.  And here’s a little trick for you to know when we’re pregnant… when we tell you!


So to be completely ironic, let’s promulgate what I’d imagine to be one woman’s daily horror.  With constant media focus on her eating habits & never-changing belly, here’s how I’d imagine Kate Middleton’s baby shower…

Blue+grey+peacock+blue+mint+silver+baby+teal+green+violet+lavender+purple+royal+regal+baby+shower+tea+party+kate+middleton+duchess+of+cambridge+princess+prince+william+queen+elizabeth+england+royal+family+pregnant+bump+maternity+pregnancy+11 - If Kate Middleton had a baby...
Blue+grey+peacock+blue+mint+silver+baby+teal+green+violet+lavender+purple+royal+regal+baby+shower+tea+party+kate+middleton+duchess+of+cambridge+princess+prince+william+queen+elizabeth+england+royal+family+pregnant+bump+maternity+pregnancy+12 - If Kate Middleton had a baby...
 
And now for the party, detail by detail…
 
Blue+grey+peacock+blue+mint+silver+baby+teal+green+violet+lavender+purple+royal+regal+baby+shower+tea+party+kate+middleton+duchess+of+cambridge+princess+prince+william+queen+elizabeth+england+royal+family+pregnant+bump+maternity+pregnancy+9 - If Kate Middleton had a baby...
Purple & Gold Table Decor by Damion Hamilton at The Detail Experience
Blue+grey+peacock+blue+mint+silver+baby+teal+green+violet+lavender+purple+royal+regal+baby+shower+tea+party+kate+middleton+duchess+of+cambridge+princess+prince+william+queen+elizabeth+england+royal+family+pregnant+bump+maternity+pregnancy+10 - If Kate Middleton had a baby...
DIY Teacup Candle Favors by Georgica Pond
Blue+grey+peacock+blue+mint+silver+baby+teal+green+violet+lavender+purple+royal+regal+baby+shower+tea+party+kate+middleton+duchess+of+cambridge+princess+prince+william+queen+elizabeth+england+royal+family+pregnant+bump+maternity+pregnancy+3 - If Kate Middleton had a baby...
Blackberry Jello Shots by Toby Cecchini
Blue+grey+peacock+blue+mint+silver+baby+teal+green+violet+lavender+purple+royal+regal+baby+shower+tea+party+kate+middleton+duchess+of+cambridge+princess+prince+william+queen+elizabeth+england+royal+family+pregnant+bump+maternity+pregnancy+2 - If Kate Middleton had a baby...
Teal Maternity Lace Dress by Asos
Blue+grey+peacock+blue+mint+silver+baby+teal+green+violet+lavender+purple+royal+regal+baby+shower+tea+party+kate+middleton+duchess+of+cambridge+princess+prince+william+queen+elizabeth+england+royal+family+pregnant+bump+maternity+pregnancy+4 - If Kate Middleton had a baby...
Cocktail Fruit Skewers by Visual Photos
Blue+grey+peacock+blue+mint+silver+baby+teal+green+violet+lavender+purple+royal+regal+baby+shower+tea+party+kate+middleton+duchess+of+cambridge+princess+prince+william+queen+elizabeth+england+royal+family+pregnant+bump+maternity+pregnancy+8 - If Kate Middleton had a baby...
Purple Baby Fascinator by Amarmi
Blue+grey+peacock+blue+mint+silver+baby+teal+green+violet+lavender+purple+royal+regal+baby+shower+tea+party+kate+middleton+duchess+of+cambridge+princess+prince+william+queen+elizabeth+england+royal+family+pregnant+bump+maternity+pregnancy+5 - If Kate Middleton had a baby...
Gold & Teal Cake (source: Boy en Girl)
Blue+grey+peacock+blue+mint+silver+baby+teal+green+violet+lavender+purple+royal+regal+baby+shower+tea+party+kate+middleton+duchess+of+cambridge+princess+prince+william+queen+elizabeth+england+royal+family+pregnant+bump+maternity+pregnancy+6 - If Kate Middleton had a baby...
Royal Baby Portrait by My Dollhouse Pictures
Blue+grey+peacock+blue+mint+silver+baby+teal+green+violet+lavender+purple+royal+regal+baby+shower+tea+party+kate+middleton+duchess+of+cambridge+princess+prince+william+queen+elizabeth+england+royal+family+pregnant+bump+maternity+pregnancy+1 - If Kate Middleton had a baby...
“Forties Forever” Slingback Heels by BHLDN
Blue+grey+peacock+blue+mint+silver+baby+teal+green+violet+lavender+purple+royal+regal+baby+shower+tea+party+kate+middleton+duchess+of+cambridge+princess+prince+william+queen+elizabeth+england+royal+family+pregnant+bump+maternity+pregnancy+7 - If Kate Middleton had a baby...
Ivory Tutu Baby Dress by House of Tutus (photo by Jana Hill)
 
So… leave a comment with your most horrifying bridal shower gift & the person with the worst one will be inducted into the Royal Court of Petticoat simply based on her outstanding will to survive! 😉

Sam Temsah-Deniskin

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the whimsical life of accidental photographer, stylist, & writer, Sam. Her approachable and fun style has received critical acclaim from such media outlets as The Huffington Post, Real Simple Magazine, PopSugar, and Buzzfeed. In addition to running a successful photography & content creation business, Sam also serves as a contributing writer for Liquor.com and Scary Mommy.

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3 Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    That last photo of baby in tutu is adorable. What a great image! Off to check out Jana Hill’s website!

  2. Jane says:

    This is awesome! Thank you for saying outloud what we’re all thinking! I received a diaper cake at my baby shower with a note that said “Get on it!” 🙁

  3. Anonymous says:

    I totally agree and get the same question all the time (we are about to celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary). When the time comes, I guess it will come. We’re in no rush.

    Love the Kate Middleton ideas too, but as a fellow Brit, unfortunately we don’t have baby showers in the UK.

    Great article! I’m sure many other newlyweds will be thinking the same.

Comments are closed.